“You have also heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the LORD.’ But I say, do not make any vows! Do not say, ‘By heaven!’ because heaven is God’s throne. And do not say, ‘By the earth!’ because the earth is his footstool. And do not say, ‘By Jerusalem!’ for Jerusalem is the city of the great King. Do not even say, ‘By my head!’ for you can’t turn one hair white or black. Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.
FilibusterIt is difficult being straightforward with people. Everything happens within a context and when you do not take the time to explain the context of your words, people who hear those words can misunderstand them. So to protect ourselves, we nuance every word, thought and promise with layered levels of clauses and escape hatches.
Eventually we end up confusing ourselves or forgetting what we were trying to say. Words are important, context is important. (See Mike’s blog on October 22) We should be clear, but we must also make sure we are sensitive to knowing how others hear our words.
When I decline an invitation to someone’s house, I need to understand that person may feel rejected. Without any explanation of why I cannot come I will have inflicted more harm than if I explain myself with lots of words. There is brevity but there is also sensitivity.
Jesus calls us to a “yes” and “no” pattern of communication it is clear, but yes and no need expressions of love alongside them. At times love is demonstrated with additional words.
Holy Word who became flesh, help me to be straightforward with every person in a way that demonstrates your love and compassion. May my words always be in line with your Word. – Dan Jones
Speaking truthfullyIf Jesus literally forbids all vows then I disappointed him recently. Once again I officiated a wedding with vows, “according to God’s Holy Word.” And some time back I put my hand on the bible in a court room before I testified and swore to tell the truth. But is Jesus forbidding any act of vowing, or is addressing our tendency to hide truth by our clever words and carefully nuanced pronouncements.
President Clinton illustrated this kind of so-called “truth-telling” when he declared “I did not have sexual relations with that woman!” We all sit in Clinton’s chair when we make words appear to say one thing when the truth is just the opposite.
Nothing new appears under the sun. People in Jesus’ time excused themselves from commitments because they had sworn by something that carried less authority. Verbal technicalities and loopholes designed to deceive result in reams of paperwork filled with legal language covering every possible technicality. Because simple honesty is so hard to come by, the house I just sold required lots of paperwork and professional guidance to make sure both seller and buyer weren’t cheating.
Imagine the complexity, even impossibility of ordinary living, if every important interaction demanded a careful interpretation of every word! Life is stressful enough without wondering if my spouse or friend is trying to pull a fast one on me. Simple truth telling, while sometimes painful, makes rewarding and life-giving relationships possible.
Sometimes simple truth telling eludes us because we fear the consequence of that truth. So we beat around the proverbial bush and end up leaving the other person confused. Lying isn’t our intent, but we cover the truth in a mass of verbal mush just the same.
The absence of clear truth telling promotes the unhealthy habit of reading into the words others speak. Most the time our guess at the real meaning doesn’t come close to what that person meant to say. Our lack of simple truth telling and the pattern of reading behind others’ words both result in more damaging hurt than clarity would have.
But alas, we tend to do our verbal dances anyway, and wish our relationships could be healthier. I don’t know many dances, but this is one I perform all too well.
Word of God, help me to speak plainly, without subtle nuance, and to especially avoid verbal gymnastics to get around hard truth. May my attitude be loving, my tone kind, and my words revealing. - Mike Leamon
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