Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests to arrange to betray Jesus to them. They were delighted when they heard why he had come, and they promised to give him money. So he began looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus.
Why?Why did Judas do it? He’d watched Jesus do miracles and listened when he taught. Didn’t it sink in? He’d lived with Jesus day and night, more or less, for three years. Hours spent talking along the roads as they walked from town to town offered opportunity to get inside Jesus’ head and heart. Didn’t he like what he discovered?
Many have offered theories about this man’s betrayal. The only sure thing, I think, is that there is far more going on than the flat, mechanical observation that Satan entered Judas so Jesus could die for the sins of the world. Judas was a person with free will. Like me. He was a jumble of motives and ideas swirling around his head and heart. Like me.
And Judas, for whatever convoluted reason, decided to betray Jesus. Like me.
That’s right. There’s a lot of Judas in me. (And, quite likely you.) I listen and watch Jesus. And still don’t get him. I spend time trying to get inside his heart and head. And I have a hard time accepting what I see. Truth is, sometimes I’m afraid of what I see. Why? It’s just too out of sync with my world and the demands it makes one me.
I have this nagging suspicion that I make Jesus say what he doesn’t say, and offer what he doesn’t offer. And in so doing, like Judas, I betray the Man who stands before me. I sell him out to religious ideals, lurking in the shadows of my own soul, that insist on maintaining their own dominance.
Unconquerable Lord, like any follower in every time and place, I confess to religious ideals formed by my own story. These often battle you for dominance. I also confess you as Lord. Continue your march through my life. I lay open every notion and ideal to you. Redefine me by your Truth, no matter how alien to my own reality. - Mike Leamon
Broken Trust
Ministry can be lonely. Imagine sitting with Jesus around the table with his disciples when Judas leaves to go betray him. Jesus has just come to the aid of a helpless woman showing her love for him. He has repeatedly stood up for those who could not stand for themselves and now one of his closest friends is going to betray him. It is not like Judas is a whistleblower turning in Jesus for corrupt practices or abusive management policies. Judas is turning in Jesus out of frustration with Jesus’ lack of political ambition.
There were none closer to Jesus than the inner group of 12 men personally invited to follow Jesus. Jesus has invested in them more than any other, he has hurt with them, hungered with them, laughed with them, ate with them. He has shared his disappointments with them, his frustrations with them and even his weaknesses with them. Jesus has opened his heart to these men with complete acceptance of their flawed personalities and personal ambitions. He has stayed with them even when they have thought of leaving him. Jesus has trusted them. He trusted them with his Gospel and he trusted them with his life.
And one repays him with betrayal. You can never let your guard down in ministry or someone, sometime, will betray you. They will break that bond of trust and cut you off. I have been told you can’t be friends with the people in the congregation or it will hurt you. True, it will hurt you. At the same time I am called to love these people as God loves them, to show them this radical self-abandoning love God has for them. I hear the horror stories of pastors who have been abused by their congregation and I see Jesus betrayed by one he trusted most. Yet Jesus still loved Judas and the others right through their failure and restored that relationship with all who were open to restoration after the resurrection.
What is a pastor to do: Love or become insolated from the congregation? I am not sure my answer is always consistent. I am not sure I know the right boundaries to put around my love for the people in the congregation. I am not sure how to love those who hurt me. I do know God will always love me, and them, and will channel His love through me to them as long as I am open to his love myself.
God of love and grace, I confess I cannot love like you do. I struggle to love those who hurt me or my family. Instead I want to protect myself from that possibility. Help me to live in your love and not mine and give me the strength to take the risk of love with those I am most familiar with even when the odds of my love being returned with pain are high. - Dan Jones
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